You Suck

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…the air out of a room when you make it all about you.

…the life out of everyone around you when you make it all about you.

…the joy out of every endeavor when you make it all about you.

…the lightness out of every quest when you make it all about you.

…the potential out of every business when you make it all about you.

++++

You fill.

…every room,

…every person,

…every endeavor,

…every quest,

…every business with life, with energy, with potential,

When you make it all about them.

++++

The challenge is to serve, solve and delight from a place of genuine personal interest without relying on the experience to complete you.

Agree, disagree…need more latte?


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58 responses

58 responses to “You Suck”

  1. Mark Silver says:

    So dead-on. How can one argue with that? I would take it a step further (of course, being the Sufi weirdo I am) that when you make it all about the Divine, about love, you fill the space with that, transforming everyone and everything- and it has the benefit of keeping you focused on serving them as well.

  2. Irina Avtsin says:

    Decaf latte is the answer to everything! 🙂

  3. Deb says:

    The only consideration I would add is that there are so many people “in the room” who make it all about themselves that when you make it about them too – you are kind of buying into their program and you can get lost in that. Make sense?

  4. Agreed. I always enjoyed giving people gifts, either as much as or more than receiving them, and for some reason, it took a long time for me to figure out that thinking of others first gave me a similar feeling. And another thing: when you stop expecting things, whether they be reactions or presents or help or support, is when you start unexpectedly getting those things. Of course, both those lessons are things I have to remind myself of very often. Maybe I’m human or maybe I am just too new at this but I find that they do not always come naturally.

  5. Glynis Jolly says:

    I agree and I need more coffee.

  6. Cynthia says:

    Well said!
    But do read Rob Brezney’s take on why we suck:
    http://freewillastrology.com/beauty/beauty.main213.shtml
    I think you’ll like it…
    Peace!

  7. Sean Cook says:

    Thanks Jonathan,

    I’ve been struggling with how to manage the very nuanced art of putting my passion forward and my ego aside.

    It’s rough. But, as my wife reminds me often. “It’s not all about you.”

    Thanks for the reminder.

    • Mark Freddy Farrell says:

      Im thinking Sean, my business is a little like my marriage, if im in it for the right reasons it should work. I continue to go back to the start when I get stuck, and ask how did this start, instead of focussing on the result.

  8. Jonathan, spot on!

    Get out of your own way and let magic happen. Be authentic and make it about others – and they WILL get it.

    Even better as Mark above says, make it about a bigger purpose than you.

  9. More latte, of course, and TOTALLY agree! Sometimes the best posts are simple concepts, plainly stated. And you accomplished that here Jonathan. Thanks for always making it about us!

  10. […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Jonathan Fields, Mark Silver, Katie, Nick Ellis, Brandon Sutton and others. Brandon Sutton said: RT @jonathanfields: You suck… http://ow.ly/3YYze ^loved this […]

  11. Right on about the business part. I just wished I had realized that sooner!

  12. As always you hit the nail on the head – thank you so much, now i can just refer people to this instead of trying to explain it myself!

    And Latte is yuck – give me another one of my son’s fabulous double espressos!

  13. So, YES with a caveat.
    Not at the expense of you.

    Serving in a way that we feel we need to demean or ignore or negatively judge our own needs is a recipe for disaster.

    I can’t really serve you if I am depleted. I can’t really make it all about you if I have neglected me. I don’t want to make YOU responsible for me. That is my work. And it is the only way I think–to truly serve.

    my $.02

    • Excellent! I also like very much Pearl’s corollary. Brings up the point that balance is needed to truly bring and sustain life into what we do. I’m planning on putting a copy of “You Suck” in the mailboxes of all my managers (and my boss’s too!)

  14. Hiro Boga says:

    In every interaction between You and Me, there’s a third presence, which is the spirit of relationship.

    It holds us equally in love.

    Whatever enhances your wholeness and radiance enlivens mine too. And whatever diminishes you, diminishes me too.

    The spirit of relationship serves us both. It’s the spirit of Yes-And, rather than of Either-Or.

    So to serve it is, as you so beautifully put it, to “serve, solve and delight…without relying on the experience to complete you.”

    Thank you for this lovely reminder, Jonathan!

  15. I need to look at this everyday.

    I’ve been thinking a lot about how to keep this in balance for myself.

    Is is so easy for me to get stuck in a place of what I am offering, and what I can do for you as opposed to what YOU need and the results that YOU can get.

    Focusing on me puts pressure on me, and makes me very attached to the result….focusing on YOU feels much freer and puts me in a supporting role.

  16. Kathi Joy says:

    Always enjoy an articulate and concise point of view with substance. Thanks!

  17. Bridget says:

    I like what Hiro said, and I’d also say that it’s so much more fun when it’s not about me. That preoccupation of it being about me speaks to my fear of not being understood, loved, fulfilled.
    When I can make it about you, or about that special place where you and I touch, then I can enjoy our relationship, our connection, the yesness of us.
    It’s so much more enjoyable and lovely.
    If you are stuck in an about you place, I suggest that you get a cardboard cut-out dog to talk to. Like this one: http://www.incrediblegifts.com/codoglisicac.html (not an affiliate link) 🙂

  18. Erin says:

    Personally and professionally, no truer words have been said.

  19. patti says:

    I so beleive in this! Being a mom; putting focus on others when needed/required comes very naturally to me. I’ve found almost everyone cries out to feel nutured whether it be personal or business. Not only does the customer want to be right; he wants to be understood and treated as an individual. I love killing with kindness and witnessing the almost always positive reaction I receive in turn, it’s a gift and blessing for me. Kind of like the Golden Rule, really, I always try and ask myself how would I want to be treated in this situation, it works for me!

  20. Adrienne says:

    Holla! Love this. Thank you so much for bringing it to us. I have shifted thinking immediately!

  21. Kim says:

    Wow. That jolted me into awareness, Jonathan. This is officially the first time I’ve responded to one of your posts, but I can’t hold back now. You just told me I suck. I agree with you, however, I believe it’s a balance.

    Doing without any expectation of outcome is beautiful and fulfilling.
    However there is inherent joy in the give and the take, when you share and do and love and work, and take something in yourself and feed your soul with the accomplishment.

  22. Jesinalbuquerque says:

    Lovely post. Some bloggers seem to use up their best ideas and then lag or lapse into product promotion, but yours just keep getting better. Thanks.

  23. Lisa says:

    Holding up my coffee cup with a toast to this post!

    I wish my Dad could read this and understand why I think he sucks sometime.

  24. Making it all about them is so fascinating, intriguing and truly does lead to amazing relationships – when the approach is reciprocated to some magical and necessary degree.

    If that doesn’t happen, then they suck, and it’s time to move on. If you don’t, your life & business will suck.

  25. Also, Jonathan Fields, you definitely do NOT suck.

  26. Lisa says:

    Right on, Jonathan!

    The most 2 words used in a conversation? “Well, I…”

    When I find myself talking more about me, my internal rule is to ask three questions before I can talk about me again. Sort of begins a game, of sorts…

    Funny that people who talk about themselves ALL THE TIME don’t even realize they are doing it!

  27. Kurt Swann says:

    Agree.

    Reminds me of a magazine article I read months ago. Article talked about a person who was financially successful and started some charity. But the article seemed to be as much focused on the donor as the charity. The general theme seemed to be . . “I’ve been successful . . . I have more than my share . . . I’ve been fortunate . . . I feel guilty about the poverty in the world . . .” Maybe that was an editorial choice by the writer but I would rather hear about people who give without making it about themselves.

  28. Yes, that’s it. Kind of a business twist on the old “It’s not you, it’s me” Seinfeld thing, except you reverse it and add “about”.
    Happy weekend, Jonathan!

    Peter

  29. Alysson says:

    Those who tend to do good deeds for others expecting something in return find themselves disappointed more often than not – as they should. Paying it forward is much more rewarding and has a much more profound ripple effect on the world around us than simply paying it back.

  30. Tom Meitner says:

    I wish I could pack as much meaning into an entire 1000 word post as you can in a few sentences, Jonathan!

    This is the biggest challenge for all of us – writers, bloggers, business owners, marketers, etc. Our purpose is to get people to notice us and talk about us and want to buy from us, so the natural inclination is to start out talking about ourselves. But the truly successful ones are the ones that demonstrate what YOU get out of working with us.

    Think of Disney – one of my favorite companies. They clearly demonstrate in just about everything they do that you will get to experience the “Disney magic” when you buy from them. They’ve spent decades crafting that magic and that message. They don’t talk about themselves – they make you want to be a part of it!

    • Jonathan Fields says:

      Yep, create experiences for others that move them deeply enough that they’ll be inspired to, well, not shut up until the world knows. It’s an interesting biz-model.

  31. Peter Mis says:

    Jonathan,

    Very well said. Reminds me of the famous Zig Ziglar quote: “You can have everything in life that you want if you just help enough people get what they want.” A great philosophy to live by. “You First”…works in ALL relationships.

    Thanks for sharing your gift!

    Peter

  32. Marie davis says:

    Yes, it is true. The honest problem is when I’m so excited about my work and exciting things are happening I do wonder if I talk too much about it. Do other folks have the same quandary?

  33. Very meaningful – thanks for sharing 😉

  34. Rob says:

    Sweet thoughts. Also, when you put others in a receiving position, you get an inside view of them. It transcends the superficiality that is prevalent today. Thanks for the reminder.

  35. David Willis says:

    Inspiring post. It is almost counterintuitive, but it is so true. Serve others and you will be taken care of. Thanks for the reminder.

  36. Janine Elias says:

    I have been following your post for months and have yet to respond. You are a refreshing writer and I love your opening lines!

    The perfect book to teach people how to apply this post is “How to Win Friends and Influence People” an absolutely must read!

    Thanks for great content with a sense of humor!

  37. Completely agree. Sadly most entrepreneurs businesses make it all about them. If you fly on an airline recently or deal with a phone company, youll see this Problem first hand.

  38. Darren Poke says:

    Great post Jonathan.

    The great thing about your premise is that the more we make it about others, the more we win and the better we feel.

    Thanks for putting it so succinctly.

  39. Eva-Maria says:

    Thank you Jonathan – I think….making it all about yourself is defeading the purpose of life – because you do miss out on so much – could it be, you are scared of listining to the resonance within yourself of somebody elses opinion ? … could it be, you are insecure about your opinion and yourself so you make sure noone else gets the chance to lead for a while ? ….. could it be, you get derived from your path by other ideas and opinions ?
    Make every input an inspiration for yourself and simply enjoy the variety (in business context – value the feedback) shine your light just like anybody else – the one with the ablility to see all these lights, will see a work of art.

  40. Oh yeah Jonathan, this one spoke to me big time. Sucks…like a vampire…many want to suck the life force out of teachers, healers. unconscious. i learned from a great spiritual teacher long ago to change the inner dialogue-programming from “what’s in it for me me me?” TO asking, “What’s in it for you or How Can I serve?” SERVING RULES! Blissings.

  41. Tricia Karp says:

    Jonathan, you give great fill-up.

    One thing I have learnt – not overnight, by the way – is that life is so much more interesting, less stressful, and dotted with delightful, unexpected joy – when I err on the side of service and generosity.

    Thank you. How may I serve you?

  42. Good. says:

    …move the opening scenes of the jury room in the movie Twelve Good Men into business and you’ll see what this means. Self focussed and pre-concieved opinions, not open to new ideas.

    It’s worth a viewing if you’re serious in thinking about this. ..and all in back 1936. Have we really come such a long way from there?

    • Jonathan Fields says:

      Funny, I was just talking to someone about that movie. Amazingly powerful. And, yes, human nature is human nature, hasn’t changed a whole lot since 1936

  43. Mark Freddy Farrell says:

    Its gotta be a little bit about you, because thats were its coming from.
    As long its about giving it from the Goodness of your heart,
    and not expecting to receive something back.
    So I dont mean to sit on the fence, – But a little bit of yes, and some No.

  44. Dawn Groves says:

    Hi Jonathan,
    I’m commenting because I enjoy your style and your use of the word “suck.” It’s a favorite of mine as well. Oh and I liked your blog on presentation advice, especially the last one commandment about not being a butthead.
    You do not suck.
    Best Wishes,
    Dawn, Your Productivity Sucks (no it doesn’t)

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