Terminator donut fuels massive weight loss

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Terminator donut fuels massive weight loss

It began as a joke, inspired by the movie Terminator…

But, now, it seems a team of researchers at the University of Auckland’s Laboratory for Biomedical Interdigitation have blown the lid off of the weight loss world, creating a high-tech donut, capable of producing up to 40 pounds of weight loss over a 30-day period.

Terminator donut literally re-forms in stomach…

The genesis of the idea for the terminator donut was a late-night brainstorming session among lead investigators, Professor Robert England and two Ph.D. candidates, Emily Schoenberg and Peter Filsaime. “The night before,” Filsaime revealed, “we were sitting around watching the second Terminator movie and marveling at the borg’s ability to literally reconstitute itself after being blown apart.”

That discussion led to an exploration of ionophilic properties of certain metals and the fact that it was now possible to essentially cold-forge certain charged molecular particles into a discrete form or shape, destroy that shape then, over a period of minutes, watch the individual particles literally weld themselves back into the original shape.

During that now legendary brainstorming session, the team began to wonder about mainstream consumer-level applications and they all ended up on weight loss.

“What would happen,” asked Professor England, “if we embedded these particles into a food product that could be eaten (destroyed) with the knowledge that the particles would reform into their original shape in the stomach and sit there, keeping it full, until they naturally degraded over a period of about 30-days?”

No sooner were the words out of England’s mouth when the team set about madly concocting recipes that would yield a particle-embedded donut that tasted good-enough to eat. It took about 6 weeks (and, reportedly, 3 explosions), but they finally developed their first prototype, a Chocolate-covered Bavarian creme that looked and tasted nearly the same as the original.

But, before they could get approval to test on humans, the team needed to clear a host of safety hurdles with lab-animals.

They ran a preliminary trial on on a sample population of 342 mice.

Sonograms confirmed the Terminator Donuts reconstituted in the mice bellies within 5-minutes of consumption.

Over the next 30-days, the special donuts degraded, and, as hypothesized, the mice ate 40% fewer calories and lost nearly 25% of their average body-weight. Armed with their preliminary results, the team sought and received approval for human trials.

Because of the commercial implications, the 225 people in the first human trial were under strict confidentiality. The trial was conducted in absolute secrecy over a similar 30-day period.

England and his team were nervous.

They knew, if it worked, they not only have solved one of the biggest plagues on humankind and health, but likely have created a technology worth billions of dollars to them.

On the first day,75 participants were given Terminator Donuts, 75 were given undoctored Bavarian creme donuts from Dunkin Donuts (placebo group) and 75 were given nothing (control group). The study was conducted in a double-blind manner, meaning the researchers did not know who got what (until confirming particle reformation via sonogram).

The results blew the team away!

They were even better than the mouse trial. The Terminator Donuts reformed in the stomach, creating a nearly-immediate sensation of fullness. They degraded completely over a 30-day period and…

Yielded a stunning average weight loss of 32.4% of body-weight.

“The implications for this technology are endless,” argued England, “but, far beyond the financial opportunity, as a lifelong researcher and scientist, the chance to solve such a pervasive problem is my greatest reward.”

One last item, I have known about this study for about a month, as a consulting lifestyle educator for the team, but have been under strict embargo.

Part of that embargo agreement also awarded me the privilege of being the first person to release this information to the public, so, for at least the next 24-48 hours, or until this article is linked to, you will not find this information anywhere else online or in print.

So, what do you think? Freakish and horrific or monumental breakthrough?

Oh yeah, I almost forgot, if you’d like more information on the study, you can get the full abstract plus a free sample Terminator Donut by e-mailing:

aprilfoolspart2@jonathanfields.com

Yes, this was the second installment in my two-part April Fools campaign.

BUT, there was actually something much more important going on with these last two posts.

It has to do with the psychology of persuasion, patterning and presuppositions.  And learning how it works will allow you to take your persuasive writing, blogging and, if desired, selling to an entirely new level.

Tune in to my next article, where I’ll break it all down for you.

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29 responses

29 responses to “Terminator donut fuels massive weight loss”

  1. Well done- if it were anything but a Bavarian Creme, I’d want one.

  2. Jonathan Fields says:

    @ Corey – Yeah, I was thinking about doing French crullers, but they just didnt sound real enough! 🙂

    @ Hayden – Love ya, too! One post on April Fools would’ve just been too easy. hehehe! 😉

  3. WTF says:

    You need to die or something.

    Meanie.

  4. Oh well... says:

    I guess I’ll be looking forward to the next article. Psychology has always interested me.

  5. Rob says:

    Best April Fool’s I’ve seen this year, had me hanging onto every word – nice one mate!

  6. What happens when someone who tends to eat, say, one or two donuts, hits bottom and decides to drown their sorrows in five or six? This sounds sooo painful. And they had an explosion in the lab!?

    LOL – seriously, you had me until I saw the email address aprilfoolspart2@jonathanfields.com

    I’ll run off and eat my oat bran and organic orange now.

  7. Levi says:

    What happened to the version of the recipe that causes the explosions? I’d like to see what percentage of my body weight I can lose by exploding my midsection out of my body! 🙂

  8. esther says:

    i have to say, i knew it was baloney right away. Your “tell” is the ratio of techno-jargon relative to the copy. Too dense! Better luck next year with THIS cynical chick. (tee hee)

    But I’d love to play a game of balderdash with ya – you can really pile it on!

  9. Mark Dykeman says:

    I admit it… I was fished in…

  10. Dikvocat says:

    The donuts look delicious but how effective they really are do not depend on clinical studies but on REAL users.

  11. Foany says:

    Wow, the test results look pretty well but I wonder if there’s a real testimonial from real user for these donuts? I mean, who ever ate it (not from test results but REAL buyer) and successfully reduced weight?

  12. Great post Johnathan!

    This was a great April Fool’s Day prank and you did a great job with it. You wrote it extremely well and made it sound very official and true. For a tiny bit of time you actually had me believing you 😉

    It would be pretty interesting though to have food that could change shape. Although what exactly would be the reason for it? Other then it taking up less space to store it I can’t really see why we would need it to transform its shape.

  13. Jade says:

    Oh my… you had me fooled there for quite a while… Of course I wasn’t reading this hoping it were true, but rather it really scared me. How many explosions in the lab? Oh yeah, like I’d want that sitting in my stomach for a month!

    Gosh, it scares me to think that there are probably people out there who would jump on something like this too. There are more important things than losing weight… like not dying while trying to lose weight! What’s the point of losing weight if the exploding terminator donut kills you?

  14. Very funny post, Johnathan!

    Wonder what people will really do to lose weight. Maybe one day we will get something similar to these Terminator donuts.

  15. LOL..Johnathan, It sounds funny post. Do you think it will have any side effects?

  16. donuts that ignite weight loss?!woah!either the experiment is flawed or either the donut contains sugar that does not promote fats

  17. Haraye says:

    I wouldn’t usually post on a blog however I am interested in your post so I was forced to do so. Going away from the topic to a degree, what is your opinion about walking? Which is generally being touted as the best exercise to burn fat.

  18. Tina says:

    Ha ha! Great article! Usually I get ticked off at these “diet tricks” out there… but something about the donuts kept me reading… AND gave me a good chuckle at the end!

    Thanks for the laugh!

    – Tina.

  19. Ricky says:

    It’s funny post, make me laugh 🙂

  20. This is fascinating stuff, if more breakthroughs like this come about it’ll render Diet Pills useless eh?

    I guess would you rather take some pills to lose weight or….eat some doughnuts? :p I know what 99% of the people out there would pick.

    At least it’s an april fools, you had me worried for a minute.

  21. Wayer says:

    Excellent article, delivered in a fiction way. I love the way you write although the April Fool thing put a suspicion on it.

  22. I started reading this and actually believed it. Then discovered the prank. It makes me realized that most of us just believe what we read, or even let it create an impression in our minds. We have to be more inquisitive and question things more. Thanks for the post.

  23. Those test mice got lucky! Instead of being injected with dangerous drugs, they get dounts instead. Lucky little rodents, haha.

  24. Frank Cotten says:

    Yeah, I thought it was true was going to dig into these donuts 🙂 It reminds me of google’s April Fool’s joke about the wireless internet connection from a toilet 🙂

  25. Sam Brooks says:

    What a funny post! Nice one !

  26. Kay says:

    No excuse to stop at 2 doughnuts then 🙂

  27. Great article, the question that comes to my mind is does the technology exist to create a similar product?

  28. Jane says:

    lol very good, can’t wait for the next article.