I literally passed out when the news came my way…
Since joining the blogging community, I’ve become privy to a growing feed of scandalous information about major players in the blogging arena. And, until now, I’ve kept my mouth shut, but this latest round of news is just too good to keep to myself.
So here goes…
1. Guy Kawasaki, Robert Scoble and Mike Arrington are secretly raising a love-child on a secluded island in Malaysia. Not wanting to muddy their gene pools, the trio paid to have an X chromosome that integrated the best aspects of each (Guy’s hair, Scoble’s dimples and Arrington’s height) spliced together, then cloned to create a single spawn designed to take over the world in about 15 years…when they are said to have plans to retire to that same island to live in harmony. PS – don’t tell their wives, remember, it’s a secret.
2. Tim Ferriss of The Four Hour Workweek fame is actually a mythical creature, with an animatron made of salt-water taffy, tequila, moon-dust and peach fuzz concocted to appear on his behalf in public. This explains the subdued vibe, faint aroma of sweetness and worms and phosphorous glow during interviews.
3. Trash-talking, beer swilling, mold-breaking, head-shaving, strip-blogger, Naomi Dunford, from Ittybiz is actually a man. This stunner was revealed in a recent PBS documentary that was supposed to feature her as the ultimate PC mommy-blogger. When asked to comment, Dunford’s husband Jamie responded, “hmmm, I guess my sister was right.” (I know, technically, she’s not an A-lister yet, but I was afraid she’d beat me up if I didn’t include her)
4. Xeni Jardin from Boing Boing is actually 80s rocker Billy Idol’s little sister. They made a bet when she was 6 that if he could write a song that would have college students swapping in the word “laid” and get them to chant it at keggers for 20 years, she’d have to wear his hair until she was 50. Guess who lost.
5. Copyblogger Brian Clark’s real name is Vin “The Texas Mule” Bonfiglio, legendary don of one of the most treacherous crime families in Texas. His blog is really a front for a variety of illegal activities, including the organized wearing of white after Labor Day, not watching football on Friday nights, voting Democrat and the selling and consumption of vegetarian ribs.
6. Dooce’s Heather Armstrong beat the piss out of Kathy Lee Gifford and Hoda Kotb after last weeks interview on the Today Show. Horrified onlookers reportedly heard her muttering, “who’s your mommy-blogging daddy now,” while simultaneously twittering the attack. In the end her hair still looked fabulous and the crowd was decidedly on her side.
7. Ariana Huffington of Huffington Post fame admits she wishes she was Celebrity gossip blogger, Perez Hilton. “He just looks like he has so much more fun,” Huffington was overheard saying while ordering a bun-free lettuce sandwich at an In-N-Out in Venice, Ca.
[Editorial note: none of the above was true, it’s called satire, that’s right, satire, every once in a while, I just gotta let it out. S’all just good fun. But, if you’d love to be in future fake news posts, please don’t hesitate to tell my why]
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