Following a recent proclamation by the Vatican repealing limbo, a furious group of activist lawyers from the New York firm of Ejok, Sloof & Lirpa filed a class action lawsuit, demanding immediate injunctive relief and retroactive reinstatement of limbo.
Fueled by fear of losing the linchpin ability to keep adversaries in a state of interminable-ambiguity, this suit is just one of dozens being filed in federal district courts across the country. Lawyers from various firms are already vying for the coveted lead-counsel spot in what is sure to be aggregated into a massive class action case.
Asked for comment, ABA spokesperson Bill E. Vitornot, Esq. said, “Look, we understand the need for people to know their loved ones have passed on to a better place. But, we believe this highly partisan decision on the part of God, the Bishops and the Vatican unfairly prejudices the legal profession. It completely avoids the obvious trickle-up effect on the living. Before you know it, this thing’s going to rain down peace-of-mind and certainty, as sure as bunnies eat frogs! It will literally cripple our ability to burn retainers in the name of erroneously construing intentionally ambiguous laws. Look, don’t get me wrong, we understand the whole God’s law thing, but, seriously, there’s got to be something in this for us.”
Through his representatives on Earth, God declined comment, but reliable sources say he’s miffed and may even be contemplating a counter-suit. Minimally, experts expect a motion to change venue to Heaven.
Anticipating this, lawyers watching the case have already filed an amicus brief arguing against the move, stating, “everyone knows, that’s not where lawyers go. You can’t have a trial in a place we can’t get to!”
Stay tuned for future developments.
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