Comments on: Stumbling Over My Own Self-Righteousness http://www.jonathanfields.com/blog/stumbling-over-my-own-self-righteousness/ Entrepreneurship, marketing, personal devlelopment Sat, 13 Mar 2010 21:06:28 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.2 hourly 1 By: Kelly@SHE-POWER http://www.jonathanfields.com/blog/stumbling-over-my-own-self-righteousness/#comment-4138 Kelly@SHE-POWER Mon, 30 Jun 2008 13:17:21 +0000 http://jonathanfields.com/blog/?p=381#comment-4138 Some interesting views here. Comments make just as good reading as the article. Jonathan, I have to say I'm surprised you actually gave chase to an asshole in a car at all. Don't you Americans have guns to go with your road rage? But you're definitely right that it is a waste of our time and energy, as well as a drain on our happiness to get ourselves upset over the actions of others that we cannot control and haven't really hurt us anyway. I've always tended to be a bit too honest and open - sometimes brutally so. And I prefer people to be upfront and not play head games, so I spent a lot of my 20s getting myself very righteous and upset about lots of things people said and did that I disagreed with. It was exhausting! Eventually I realised I couldn't go on like that and have since adopted the question in moments like these: "Is this my business, and do I really need to get involved?" If the answer is no, and mostly it is (how many serious dramas do most of us have in a week?), then I just take a deep breath and let it slide. Most of what we worry about today won't matter next week, let alone next year. I try to remember that. Kelly Some interesting views here. Comments make just as good reading as the article.

Jonathan, I have to say I’m surprised you actually gave chase to an asshole in a car at all. Don’t you Americans have guns to go with your road rage?

But you’re definitely right that it is a waste of our time and energy, as well as a drain on our happiness to get ourselves upset over the actions of others that we cannot control and haven’t really hurt us anyway.

I’ve always tended to be a bit too honest and open – sometimes brutally so. And I prefer people to be upfront and not play head games, so I spent a lot of my 20s getting myself very righteous and upset about lots of things people said and did that I disagreed with. It was exhausting!

Eventually I realised I couldn’t go on like that and have since adopted the question in moments like these:

“Is this my business, and do I really need to get involved?”

If the answer is no, and mostly it is (how many serious dramas do most of us have in a week?), then I just take a deep breath and let it slide.

Most of what we worry about today won’t matter next week, let alone next year. I try to remember that.

Kelly

]]> By: Oni, The Diva Muse http://www.jonathanfields.com/blog/stumbling-over-my-own-self-righteousness/#comment-4130 Oni, The Diva Muse Sun, 29 Jun 2008 09:32:23 +0000 http://jonathanfields.com/blog/?p=381#comment-4130 I lived in Korea for two years, and anyone who has ever lived there knows that at times, there is no rhyme or reason or logic to driving there. Yet, the people do not suffer from road rage the way we do here. I found myself excusing the Korean people for what I normally would have been yelling out of my car for here in the states because they were not driving with any kind of malice. However, I have yet to get used to the driving here in California where courtesy has seemingly gone out of the window and road rage is the prevailing state while driving. When we first returned, I actually took it personally. But now that I have been back for almost a year, I learned to calm down and to be like you Jonathan and focus on what is going on with me and how I can improve the world in my own little way, rather than being sucked into the cycle of judgment and energy wasting that comes when I react to these situations. I lived in Korea for two years, and anyone who has ever lived there knows that at times, there is no rhyme or reason or logic to driving there. Yet, the people do not suffer from road rage the way we do here. I found myself excusing the Korean people for what I normally would have been yelling out of my car for here in the states because they were not driving with any kind of malice. However, I have yet to get used to the driving here in California where courtesy has seemingly gone out of the window and road rage is the prevailing state while driving. When we first returned, I actually took it personally. But now that I have been back for almost a year, I learned to calm down and to be like you Jonathan and focus on what is going on with me and how I can improve the world in my own little way, rather than being sucked into the cycle of judgment and energy wasting that comes when I react to these situations.

]]> By: Helen South http://www.jonathanfields.com/blog/stumbling-over-my-own-self-righteousness/#comment-3947 Helen South Sat, 21 Jun 2008 11:21:09 +0000 http://jonathanfields.com/blog/?p=381#comment-3947 An interesting post, and some really thoughtful responses too. I know I'm often judgmental and at times it certainly has come back to bite me, hard! Sometimes I'm stunned by my own lack of compassion. I try to know better and do better, but I still trip up on a regular basis! An interesting post, and some really thoughtful responses too. I know I’m often judgmental and at times it certainly has come back to bite me, hard! Sometimes I’m stunned by my own lack of compassion.

I try to know better and do better, but I still trip up on a regular basis!

]]> By: vimoh http://www.jonathanfields.com/blog/stumbling-over-my-own-self-righteousness/#comment-3848 vimoh Sun, 15 Jun 2008 16:20:45 +0000 http://jonathanfields.com/blog/?p=381#comment-3848 <i>Long ago, in ancient India, a sage sat under a tree teaching his pupils. As he spoke, one of his pupils spotted a scorpion crawling towards the sage. He warned his teacher, who thanked him and picked up the scorpion and placed it some distance away. But the scorpion started crawling back towards the sage. "Let us kill it!" implored the pupils. But the sage shook his head and kept pushing the scorpion away. Eventually one pupil stood up and said, "Gurudev, why do you choose to let the scorpion live? It is venomous and vicious by nature." The sage smiled and replied, "The scorpion acts according to its nature. I act according to mine."</i> @Annedien Human beings can choose the path they will take. An animal may probably not. We may choose to obey inhuman laws. We may choose to defy them. We may choose to exercise our rights by going after people who break laws. We may choose to exercise that very same power by ignoring him and putting our energy to better use. There is no right answer that applies to everyone. But there is one inside you and it applies to you alone. Long ago, in ancient India, a sage sat under a tree teaching his pupils.

As he spoke, one of his pupils spotted a scorpion crawling towards the sage. He warned his teacher, who thanked him and picked up the scorpion and placed it some distance away.

But the scorpion started crawling back towards the sage. “Let us kill it!” implored the pupils. But the sage shook his head and kept pushing the scorpion away.

Eventually one pupil stood up and said, “Gurudev, why do you choose to let the scorpion live? It is venomous and vicious by nature.”

The sage smiled and replied, “The scorpion acts according to its nature. I act according to mine.”

@Annedien Human beings can choose the path they will take. An animal may probably not.

We may choose to obey inhuman laws. We may choose to defy them. We may choose to exercise our rights by going after people who break laws. We may choose to exercise that very same power by ignoring him and putting our energy to better use.

There is no right answer that applies to everyone. But there is one inside you and it applies to you alone.

]]> By: Karen Swim http://www.jonathanfields.com/blog/stumbling-over-my-own-self-righteousness/#comment-3847 Karen Swim Sun, 15 Jun 2008 16:12:28 +0000 http://jonathanfields.com/blog/?p=381#comment-3847 Jonathan, great reminder to not allow the actions of others to derail our day. We're human and we all occasionally fall prey to letting someone else control our mood by reacting to their negative behavior. The key as you pointed out is to realize it and then move on. I'm glad you didn't catch up with the road rager. :-) Jonathan, great reminder to not allow the actions of others to derail our day. We’re human and we all occasionally fall prey to letting someone else control our mood by reacting to their negative behavior. The key as you pointed out is to realize it and then move on. I’m glad you didn’t catch up with the road rager. :-)

]]> By: Laurie http://www.jonathanfields.com/blog/stumbling-over-my-own-self-righteousness/#comment-3846 Laurie Sun, 15 Jun 2008 13:14:17 +0000 http://jonathanfields.com/blog/?p=381#comment-3846 @ Annedien : I don't believe that if the guy is going to the hospital excuses his driving madly but it makes it understandable. If someone molested your child it wouldn't excuse that you took a bat and beat the molester to death but it is understandable. I think the deal here is to not take the behavior of others personally. If the guy cuts you off, while that is not the way to drive, I can know that the guy's behavior is a result of things he is going through and not what I am doing. With that attitude I am better able to choose not to be offended and therefore still enjoy each moment in my day. I believe if you follow what is right and wrong back to its conception you will find that the core of it stems from God. People have then added their agendas to original commands which has distored things and included the redictulous. The universal force you speak of is God. You are right in that God lets us face natural consequences of our actions. @ Annedien : I don’t believe that if the guy is going to the hospital excuses his driving madly but it makes it understandable. If someone molested your child it wouldn’t excuse that you took a bat and beat the molester to death but it is understandable.

I think the deal here is to not take the behavior of others personally. If the guy cuts you off, while that is not the way to drive, I can know that the guy’s behavior is a result of things he is going through and not what I am doing. With that attitude I am better able to choose not to be offended and therefore still enjoy each moment in my day.

I believe if you follow what is right and wrong back to its conception you will find that the core of it stems from God. People have then added their agendas to original commands which has distored things and included the redictulous. The universal force you speak of is God. You are right in that God lets us face natural consequences of our actions.

]]> By: Annedien Hoen http://www.jonathanfields.com/blog/stumbling-over-my-own-self-righteousness/#comment-3844 Annedien Hoen Sun, 15 Jun 2008 09:01:15 +0000 http://jonathanfields.com/blog/?p=381#comment-3844 A few issues are weaved together in a single happening. First, what is 'the police'? There were a bunch of guys who decided they were the boss and they made laws (in 17-hundred-something) and now you're still subject to those laws and the bossness is passed on and 'the police' are regarded as some kind of default force in life that you have to obey. That's the libertarian view. Another view could be that there is a force, protecting what is 'right'. In one country that means they arrest thieves, in others that they hang gay men. Seems a bit arbitrary what 'right' is, then, but hey... All you did was be born and already you were confronted with a whole bunch of statuses quo and there ain't much you can do about it. But to think you're still answering to laws that were created by some dudes a couple of hundred of years ago has a weird ring to it- it has to me at least. But, okay, rules were made and you agreed to be a good citizen, and you know that if you're not you'll be knocked upside the head by the police. And here goes Johnnie in his car, breaks the rules and doesn't get knocked upside the head by the police. Something's wrong here. You respond. It is not fair. Also, by saying 'I'm not the police' you are giving away power. Of course, the fact is you're not the police. But then again, the police are not the keeper of universal laws of right and wrong, either! There seem to be principles at work that go beyond the logic of humans. To think your response to behaviour that potentially puts other people in danger is self-righteous might be very disempowering, as it may be a higher force responding to the wrongdoings of this driver. I feel that we place our 'point of locus' outside ourselves too often, and that is why so many people get away with behaviour that harms the collective. I feel there is a weird kind of logic to the idea that if someone is on his way to a loved one in the hospital, or is a doctor, or whatever, it's okay to act like a total jerk. As if you're trading lives. "It's okay to risk a life if a life is on the line." "My mother is in the hospital and it's going downhill fast. I will now drive my car to the hospital, driving like a maniac, so maybe I will create an accident, but that is okay because I am very emotional and this is very important." And we go: "Yes, your dying mother is very important, jeapordize my life if you will. Or maybe run over a six year old riding her bicycle to school, we'll tolerate your risk taking." What I do in situations like this is observe the supreme reality is getting really pissed off at another driver and know that there are laws at work that are beyond us humans and that this person is creating karma for himself and that this takes care of itself. A few issues are weaved together in a single happening.

First, what is ‘the police’?
There were a bunch of guys who decided they were the boss and they made laws (in 17-hundred-something) and now you’re still subject to those laws and the bossness is passed on and ‘the police’ are regarded as some kind of default force in life that you have to obey. That’s the libertarian view. Another view could be that there is a force, protecting what is ‘right’. In one country that means they arrest thieves, in others that they hang gay men. Seems a bit arbitrary what ‘right’ is, then, but hey…

All you did was be born and already you were confronted with a whole bunch of statuses quo and there ain’t much you can do about it. But to think you’re still answering to laws that were created by some dudes a couple of hundred of years ago has a weird ring to it- it has to me at least.

But, okay, rules were made and you agreed to be a good citizen, and you know that if you’re not you’ll be knocked upside the head by the police. And here goes Johnnie in his car, breaks the rules and doesn’t get knocked upside the head by the police. Something’s wrong here. You respond. It is not fair.

Also, by saying ‘I’m not the police’ you are giving away power. Of course, the fact is you’re not the police. But then again, the police are not the keeper of universal laws of right and wrong, either! There seem to be principles at work that go beyond the logic of humans. To think your response to behaviour that potentially puts other people in danger is self-righteous might be very disempowering, as it may be a higher force responding to the wrongdoings of this driver. I feel that we place our ‘point of locus’ outside ourselves too often, and that is why so many people get away with behaviour that harms the collective.

I feel there is a weird kind of logic to the idea that if someone is on his way to a loved one in the hospital, or is a doctor, or whatever, it’s okay to act like a total jerk. As if you’re trading lives. “It’s okay to risk a life if a life is on the line.”
“My mother is in the hospital and it’s going downhill fast. I will now drive my car to the hospital, driving like a maniac, so maybe I will create an accident, but that is okay because I am very emotional and this is very important.” And we go: “Yes, your dying mother is very important, jeapordize my life if you will. Or maybe run over a six year old riding her bicycle to school, we’ll tolerate your risk taking.”

What I do in situations like this is observe the supreme reality is getting really pissed off at another driver and know that there are laws at work that are beyond us humans and that this person is creating karma for himself and that this takes care of itself.

]]> By: Laurie http://www.jonathanfields.com/blog/stumbling-over-my-own-self-righteousness/#comment-3843 Laurie Sun, 15 Jun 2008 04:48:26 +0000 http://jonathanfields.com/blog/?p=381#comment-3843 I've been chased a couple of times and I wasn't sure what I had done to tick 'em off. Oh well. If we try to take care of ourselves and let others take care of themselves I think we'd all be better off. I have been trying to adopt a mindset that when other do things that are upsetting to me or insulting ect. I think, "It's not about me. They are acting that way because of stuff intheir life." This helps me to let it go. I'm still learning. I’ve been chased a couple of times and I wasn’t sure what I had done to tick ‘em off. Oh well. If we try to take care of ourselves and let others take care of themselves I think we’d all be better off. I have been trying to adopt a mindset that when other do things that are upsetting to me or insulting ect. I think, “It’s not about me. They are acting that way because of stuff intheir life.” This helps me to let it go. I’m still learning.

]]> By: Mitch York http://www.jonathanfields.com/blog/stumbling-over-my-own-self-righteousness/#comment-3837 Mitch York Sat, 14 Jun 2008 17:40:28 +0000 http://jonathanfields.com/blog/?p=381#comment-3837 Jonathan, I am reading Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goleman, which addresses exactly what you are talking about. He actually gives the physiological explanation for it. I won't repeat it here, but if you want to know why we sometimes act first and think later, a great explanation is in the book. Jonathan, I am reading Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goleman, which addresses exactly what you are talking about. He actually gives the physiological explanation for it. I won’t repeat it here, but if you want to know why we sometimes act first and think later, a great explanation is in the book.

]]> By: Links for Super-Charged Living - June 14, 2008 | My Super-Charged Life http://www.jonathanfields.com/blog/stumbling-over-my-own-self-righteousness/#comment-3835 Links for Super-Charged Living - June 14, 2008 | My Super-Charged Life Sat, 14 Jun 2008 14:59:24 +0000 http://jonathanfields.com/blog/?p=381#comment-3835 [...] Leadership by Example    Stumbling Over My Own Self-Righteousness [...] [...] Leadership by Example    Stumbling Over My Own Self-Righteousness [...]

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