Comments on: How To Lose Friends And Influence Nobody

By: Xeres

Xeres — Tue, 07 Oct 2008 10:45:49 +0000

How come I see many mediaced (by now that’s a word)people like they never attended one lesson media-training? Comes with the job, I should think. Their ‘performance’, makes them look like a stereotype at their own accord. Without any help of bad lighting, directing, montage or bad questions.

By: Theresa Zagnoli

Theresa Zagnoli — Mon, 28 Jul 2008 19:52:01 +0000

Jonathan: Found your blog thru Liz’s blog show … this is a fantastic post … will definitely be checking back to see what else you have to say. I use a Cicero quote to to tell my clients what tehy need to do “Charm – Teach – Move.” Each is an essential element of communication and quoting the same “message” over and over again won’t charm, teach or move anyone. Keep up the good work.

By: Justin

Justin — Tue, 22 Jul 2008 18:32:30 +0000

I wholeheartedly agree with this post. Rehearsed comments are usually uninteresting and disengaging, while speaking from the heart is, well, interesting and engaging. If you know a topic well, you should be able to talk about it without having to memorize a prewritten speech.

By: Summer Fey Foovay

Summer Fey Foovay — Mon, 21 Jul 2008 15:36:09 +0000

I love this article – and the comments! It all comes back to doing what you are passionate about. If you are passionate about something, people will not be able to get you to shut up about it, and you can talk circles around it and relate it to anything and everything because it is everything to you. What happens when you ask someone about their kids or their dog? Yeah – like that. In one moment you can tell if they just bought the designer puppy the people in their social class ought to own, or if they love their dog, chewed slippers and all. In some cases, a person who is passionate may have allowed themselves to become overcoached or overtrained and hopefully they will read this article just let that passion hang out!

By: Kelly@SHE-POWER

Kelly@SHE-POWER — Mon, 21 Jul 2008 04:23:58 +0000

I like this idea and the whole point about the dangers of staying on message within even our personal relationships really resonates with me at the moment. Too often, we reiterate thoughts, facts that have not been questioned ina long time. It doesn’t leave much room for emotion or personal truth.

Get real and shake things up to feel more alive, I say.

Kelly

By: Helen South

Helen South — Sat, 19 Jul 2008 23:46:27 +0000

Well said! Thanks for the wake-up call. Because our blogs are used as a ‘front page promo’ tool, (though less so in our new redesign) I’ve always found it difficult to really use it as a blog – there’s often that ‘sales pitch’ for the article you want readers to go to. So yeah, often very scripted.

I’m also conscious of needing to appear professional , so don’t often ‘open up’. Ironically, on those rare occasions when I do really get stuck into an issue or tell readers about a personal experience, they’ve responded so warmly.

By: Eric

Eric — Sat, 19 Jul 2008 23:44:39 +0000

Staying “on message,” as you put it, can be dangerous to anyone in any position, not just high-profile individuals. Over-rehearsed speeches and sales presentations sound insincere and the messages come across as too “word-smithed” to really mean anything.

At the same time, though, under-rehearsal is just as fatal. While I dislike people bullet-ing out their answers in interviews just as much as you do, the people who “um” and “uh” their way through a circular presentation are just as draining.

In either situation we’re looking at an interviewee who isn’t actually saying anything the entire time words are coming out of their mouth. I truly agree with your assertion that people should be “willing to get real.” Be it business or a dinner table conversation, being “real” will improve anyone’s verbal posture.

By: Robyn

Robyn — Sat, 19 Jul 2008 17:53:46 +0000

I love the fact that you posted on this, Jonathan. I’m at BlogHer 08 in SF, and yesterday attendees got treated to some blog readings. The amount of self-disclosure and the bravery of some of the people in talking about the most horrific, frightening, and self-destructive parts of their lives was astonishing. And it wasn’t just what they shared, it was that they shared it with anxiety, terrified of what others might think, but willing to share their stories anyway, in the hope that someone would be able to learn from their experience. Authenticity: accept no substitutes!

By: Sara at On Simplicity

Sara at On Simplicity — Sat, 19 Jul 2008 00:51:17 +0000

I definitely think there’s a wonderful balance to be found. Like, if I contact you because you’re an expert in X, I’m probably talking to you to get ideas and quotes about X. If you keep coming back to Y, it’s going to be frustrating.

But canned answers certainly don’t make for compelling… well, anything. Like you hinted to at the end, I’m of the opinion that a healthy amount of prep and background knowledge along with a willingness to go off-script at the first invitation is the best combination.

By: riva

riva — Sat, 19 Jul 2008 00:10:07 +0000

“Go off script” is a great sound bite, mind if I steal it? Thanks, btw, for keeping it real, and giving those of us who always speak from the heart, a little encouragement in an overpackaged, overbranded world.