Whether we’re talking work or personal life.

Although I get why you did this experiment with your daughter, it does, as others have noted, concern me that the effort is directed towards getting something–and a big something. What about parents who can in no way afford such “rewards”?

Why does one have to reward a child for doing what they are supposed to do in the first place? I mean besides schoolwork, at that age, what else is a kid doing/contributing? Learning is their priority.

Kids need to learn to work well not just for good grades–and any rewards they bring, but because they value learning and the effort of solid work to learn something.

The work is the work and the effort is the effort. Not the result.

It reminds me of a company I worked for where the staff in general was underperforming and not meeting defined goals and specs due to lack of interest, laziness, etc.

These folks were messing up the lives of people on the team who did their jobs but couldn’t finish them because the others DID NOT do their work.

They were actually penalized even though they were acting like professionals.

So the manager decided that a contest with a cash prize would motivate the slackers.

When I heard this, I asked the manager to NOT do the contest as it really was a reward for people who were only being asked to do exactly the jobs they were paid for. Not go above and beyond. If they didn’t want to do their jobs, they should not be there (replace them!)

I told him that negative motivation was needed here. Announce job cuts if the project goals were not met.

Reluctantly, he did this. Some slacked off even more and he finally fired them (thank you.)

Others regained their focus.

One of the problems with a lot of young people today is entitlement. Many have never really had to work much for anything thanks to well-meaning, but ill-informed, parents who coddled and helicopter parented.

They believe the world owes them and that they should be rewarded for just “being”

Real achievement doesn’t come from motivation that is based on getting something, regardless of what it is.

Yes, a lot of people would like Oscars and Emmys and Noble Prizes.

But most of the folks who get them (ok, maybe we should exclude hollywood awards as they are often popularity contests), were only focused on the work.

When you look at the achievements by many famous people and successful ones, you will see that they were simply focused on the work. That they got rich, or famous or successful was almost “accidental.”

it’s about the process and the work and the learning.
NOT the reward.

Lasting effort requires intrinsic motivation. Your daughter will need to learn to excel for the value of improving. This is a harder goal to accomplish. Push too hard and she will rebel and do the opposite. Push too little and she will not live up to her potential.

“Push” isn’t even a good word, because it is more of a pull. Working hard for her own personal satisfaction and partially to impress her parents, is the ultimate goal.

I remember more the times my parents offered me money/toys/etc for me to quit or stop doing an activity and how I continued in the activity and usually found success. My refusal and perseverance
made me stronger.

this was a good post though and I found it very interesting and think it’s very applicable to adults in the work setting (and in my own life).

thanks for writing

Skip “not without a purpose not without a fight” Burns

(but I don’t know if I was ever that good at teaching, I’m not a Dad, and so feel free to tell me to @#$^off or whatever. I mean this is YOUR kid. )