Comments on: Friends Secretly Hope You Fail?

By: Matt

Matt — Mon, 24 Jan 2011 05:44:57 +0000

Absolutely fantastic Sir. They gettin’ downright nasty at this point.

By: ZenDoc

ZenDoc — Mon, 22 Mar 2010 08:37:13 +0000

I am getting my nose rubbed in this right now. I have a golf buddy that is always trying to interject negativity. He is a bit older than me, and I am 56. He says things like “after 50 your health is a crap shoot”. About 7 months ago I started intense strength training and of course “you can’t because you lose strength when you get older”. I weigh 190#, am 11% body fat, and bench pressed 250# and leg pressed 660#. Now my workout success is “that weight lifting crap” according to my golf friend. Prior to starting on this course my younger wife would make fun of me, telling me I was getting old, and fat. Now if I share an accomplishment with her she just bitterly says “I wish I could workout!”. Of course she has a membership at the same gym, but chooses to be “too busy” to actually use it. I played golf today, and scored well and was hitting the ball much farther that even a month ago. I made the mistake of shareing that with her. Her comment was “enjoy it while you can”. That really pissed me off. Made me feel like she doesn’t care about me, and wants to see me old and frail. Makes me wonder IF I should be married at all. Anyway thanks for giving me a place to rant!

By: David

David — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 19:04:28 +0000

It’s too bad that human nature is what it is. So many people are envious of other peoples success as if it somehow takes away from them. There are people in the world who will be genuinely happy for you when you succeed. Look to associate with them and make sure you are equally supportive of them when they succeed.

By: Fast Creative

Fast Creative — Fri, 19 Jun 2009 09:16:06 +0000

This kind of situation is common since its normal for other people to establish envy towards others. Dreaming they are much higher, landed in a nicer position having a high salary, enjoying a prosperous life compare to their fellow mate. The only way to cure this is to establish self awareness and stop being selfish. Learn the value of self contentment.

By: Joy

Joy — Mon, 09 Feb 2009 06:44:38 +0000

I love, love, love this article. It is so true, yet seems to be never talked about. I have spent years in therapy and tons of money trying to figure out what you have been able to capture in this article. I have the blessing and the curse to have been successful at a young age. I have worked extremely hard and made many sacrifices to be in the place that I am. But, for some reason, the people around me whom I call friends (which I need to start re-evaluating) don’t ever seem to be happy for me. And, sometimes, it feels like they take joy in hearing about my bad times even. I used to think it was my imagination, but then aquaintances would take notice of comments made… I truly believe that it comes from peoples innate nature to be competitive — ultimately they wish to see me fail– whether it be a business venture or investment or marathon — because when I reach my goal it is a reminder to them that they didn’t even set one.

By: Matthew Scott

Matthew Scott — Sat, 15 Nov 2008 18:56:32 +0000

@Shannon Paul, Go for it & start your own personal advisory board.

I promise you will benefit & just as importantly so will your Board.

Just remember: They must be uber-talented & wicked truthful to care enough to make you better. Most of the time, this means it is not some of the people you spend the most time with…

Let me know of your success with your Board.

Be Well,

Matthew

By: Shannon Paul

Shannon Paul — Sat, 15 Nov 2008 17:05:50 +0000

This is touching on a lot of what I’ve been experiencing lately. The odd thing is that while many inside my social circle are acting as if I’m now suddenly successful, all I see are the challenges that lie ahead.

Honestly, it’s a pretty lonely place to be. I would love to be able to talk to my friends about some of the things that I’m going through as a result of some recent success, but many either can’t fully comprehend the intricacies of the issues I’m facing, or respond in a way that seems less than empathetic.

This post has really helped me decide to do something to make sure I can get the support I need. I also really, really LOVE Matthew’s idea of putting together a personal advisory board.

Thanks so much, Jonathan, for writing this post. I think it’s just what I needed.

By: jeb

jeb — Wed, 12 Nov 2008 19:12:02 +0000

great post, and i’m guilty as charged. i hate that about me. and based on the comments above, and my own experience with this issue, i cant help but wonder where it comes from.

you say it’s ‘rooted deeply in human nature’, but i’m not so sure. that would suggest it’s a genetic thing, something we’re born with. i disagree with that. i think it is a reflection of our society, its flaws, the whole ‘get good grades, go to college, get a steady job’ mantra. the wholesale disregard for nurturing our passions and purpose.

if more of us were encouraged from a young age to hold true to the dreams, to follow the path that serves our better selves, we wouldn’t begrudge others when they do it themselves. we’d welcome it…we’d encourage and support them and find joy in their effort, and more-so in their success. THAT, i think, is our true nature.

may we all find our way back to it..and let me know if i can help you along the way.

cheers…jeb

By: Ivy

Ivy — Thu, 06 Nov 2008 20:31:42 +0000

I’ve had this experience in my relationship. People who saw us happy together, but who were less happy with their own relationships, would react badly. Sometimes deliberate sabotage but more often a subtle, even subconscious, unkindness and lack of support. This happened when we first met. This happens even now after 18 years (although much less frequently).

It’s the same with other types of success as well. You have to guard against it. We often tell the world of our pursuits counting on others’ good energy and good will… but that’s not always what we receive.

By: Eric Deeter

Eric Deeter — Thu, 06 Nov 2008 13:52:50 +0000

Once you become known to a group of friends or even associates, they are reluctant to let you break out of the category in which they’ve placed you. I was a member of a referral network. I wanted to move out and diversify into other businesses. They only knew me as the “faux finish guy”. It was a subtle pressure, but I knew I had to get away from the group if I was going to make any change.