Comments on: Daddies Don’t Let Your Babies Grow Up To Be Strangers http://www.jonathanfields.com/blog/daddies-babies-strangers/ Innovation, Creativity, Entrepreneurship, Personal Development Thu, 09 Feb 2012 21:15:40 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.2.1 By: Ester http://www.jonathanfields.com/blog/daddies-babies-strangers/#comment-30862 Ester Thu, 03 Nov 2011 20:50:26 +0000 http://www.jonathanfields.com/blog/?p=1969#comment-30862 Just ended a 20 year relationship with a man who I had two children. Both boys are now 14 and 16 and for years I have told my soon to be ex that the children would out grow him someday. Well that time has come and gone. Both boys do not know him he has always been on his own and never put the family first. All he wanted to do in the end was be left alone. So I convenced him to finally move out. He has been gone for approximatley 3 months and nothing has changed in our home. Everything is the same except for the fact we don't have him complaing and wanting left alone all of the time. At first I thought that this was his mid life crisis but he has been so detached for so long I can't remember the last time he actually did anything positive with the boys. Makes me angry with myself for putting up with this behavior for so long. Just ended a 20 year relationship with a man who I had two children. Both boys are now 14 and 16 and for years I have told my soon to be ex that the children would out grow him someday. Well that time has come and gone. Both boys do not know him he has always been on his own and never put the family first. All he wanted to do in the end was be left alone. So I convenced him to finally move out. He has been gone for approximatley 3 months and nothing has changed in our home. Everything is the same except for the fact we don’t have him complaing and wanting left alone all of the time. At first I thought that this was his mid life crisis but he has been so detached for so long I can’t remember the last time he actually did anything positive with the boys. Makes me angry with myself for putting up with this behavior for so long.

]]> By: Denise Duffield-Thomas http://www.jonathanfields.com/blog/daddies-babies-strangers/#comment-28753 Denise Duffield-Thomas Mon, 19 Sep 2011 10:30:27 +0000 http://www.jonathanfields.com/blog/?p=1969#comment-28753 This is a beautiful article. Both my husband and myself have these natural tendencies to be Peters. We don't have kids yet, but articles like this are getting book-marked for the future. x Denise DT This is a beautiful article. Both my husband and myself have these natural tendencies to be Peters. We don’t have kids yet, but articles like this are getting book-marked for the future.

x Denise DT

]]> By: billy(peter) http://www.jonathanfields.com/blog/daddies-babies-strangers/#comment-25793 billy(peter) Wed, 25 May 2011 01:44:45 +0000 http://www.jonathanfields.com/blog/?p=1969#comment-25793 YES, I AM PETER.I AM HIM.I DIDN'T START OUT BEING PETER.I STARTED OUT BEING AN ORDINARY GUY WITH GOALS.THIS ORDINARY GUY GOT MARRIED AND LIFE WAS GREAT.WE HAVE 2 BEAUTIFUL DAUGHTERS NOW AND I LOVE THEM TREMENDOUSLY.WELL,THE GOAL ORIENTED(PETER) IN ME OPENED MY OWN BUSINESS AND IT WAS TOUGH,BUT VERY REWARDING.I HAVE MADE ALOT OF MONEY AND IT HAS HAD IT ADVANTAGES,BUT WHEN I READ THIS ARTICLE,I REALIZED ALL THE DISADVANTAGES THAT I HAVE GIVEN MYSELF.I DO FIND MYSELF TIRED AND NOT WANTING TO GO OUTSIDE AND PLAY WITH MY KIDS WHEN I GET HOME FROM WORK.I TELL THEM TO GO ASK MOMMY I AM TIRED.I DID THIS TONIGHT,BEFORE FINALLY ,AFTER BEING BEGGED TO GO OUTSIDE GAVE IN AND WENT OUT.I NEVER REALIZED WHAT A HORRIBLE PERSON I HAVE BECOME.THE PETER IN ME WOULD RATHER SIT ON THE COUCH AND WATCH TV,THEN GO OUTSIDE AND PLAY.WOW.I NEED TO CHANGE. YES, I AM PETER.I AM HIM.I DIDN’T START OUT BEING PETER.I STARTED OUT BEING AN ORDINARY GUY WITH GOALS.THIS ORDINARY GUY GOT MARRIED AND LIFE WAS GREAT.WE HAVE 2 BEAUTIFUL DAUGHTERS NOW AND I LOVE THEM TREMENDOUSLY.WELL,THE GOAL ORIENTED(PETER) IN ME OPENED MY OWN BUSINESS AND IT WAS TOUGH,BUT VERY REWARDING.I HAVE MADE ALOT OF MONEY AND IT HAS HAD IT ADVANTAGES,BUT WHEN I READ THIS ARTICLE,I REALIZED ALL THE DISADVANTAGES THAT I HAVE GIVEN MYSELF.I DO FIND MYSELF TIRED AND NOT WANTING TO GO OUTSIDE AND PLAY WITH MY KIDS WHEN I GET HOME FROM WORK.I TELL THEM TO GO ASK MOMMY I AM TIRED.I DID THIS TONIGHT,BEFORE FINALLY ,AFTER BEING BEGGED TO GO OUTSIDE GAVE IN AND WENT OUT.I NEVER REALIZED WHAT A HORRIBLE PERSON I HAVE BECOME.THE PETER IN ME WOULD RATHER SIT ON THE COUCH AND WATCH TV,THEN GO OUTSIDE AND PLAY.WOW.I NEED TO CHANGE.

]]> By: Ian Butcher http://www.jonathanfields.com/blog/daddies-babies-strangers/#comment-23235 Ian Butcher Tue, 22 Feb 2011 16:58:55 +0000 http://www.jonathanfields.com/blog/?p=1969#comment-23235 This is so true and a warning to all parents. Kids are so precious and your real legacy, do not waste a minute. Hindsight is a wonderful thing and I spent first ten years of my sons life working away from home - not through choice but because work in area where I lived was so scarce. I did not want to move family away from Grandparents, Aunties, Uncles, Cousins and huge extended family we had but actually it was during this time that I learnt the lesson that work was a means to an end and my family was the most important thing to me. I was lucky I have great kids, now adults, that I am really proud of but I wish I had spent more time with them when they were younger. I do wonder if those career minded individuals who treat their kids as a hinderance actually transfer their behaviours to work as well. Some of most appalling managers I have ever encountered are also what I consider to be bad parents. If you cannot treat the magic of having children the way you should do not have children! The same applies at work, if you cannot treat people properly do not become a manger - or learn the lesson quickly before your team takes action and leaves - the same as your kids would if they had a choice. This is so true and a warning to all parents. Kids are so precious and your real legacy, do not waste a minute. Hindsight is a wonderful thing and I spent first ten years of my sons life working away from home – not through choice but because work in area where I lived was so scarce. I did not want to move family away from Grandparents, Aunties, Uncles, Cousins and huge extended family we had but actually it was during this time that I learnt the lesson that work was a means to an end and my family was the most important thing to me. I was lucky I have great kids, now adults, that I am really proud of but I wish I had spent more time with them when they were younger. I do wonder if those career minded individuals who treat their kids as a hinderance actually transfer their behaviours to work as well. Some of most appalling managers I have ever encountered are also what I consider to be bad parents. If you cannot treat the magic of having children the way you should do not have children! The same applies at work, if you cannot treat people properly do not become a manger – or learn the lesson quickly before your team takes action and leaves – the same as your kids would if they had a choice.

]]> By: Andrew Morgan http://www.jonathanfields.com/blog/daddies-babies-strangers/#comment-21924 Andrew Morgan Sun, 16 Jan 2011 13:21:42 +0000 http://www.jonathanfields.com/blog/?p=1969#comment-21924 4T's - Time, Talent, Touch and Treasure. This father gets a "D". 25% right doesn't cut it. 4T’s – Time, Talent, Touch and Treasure. This father gets a “D”. 25% right doesn’t cut it.

]]> By: Is It Really Worth The Sacrifice? http://www.jonathanfields.com/blog/daddies-babies-strangers/#comment-16730 Is It Really Worth The Sacrifice? Sun, 27 Jun 2010 13:25:06 +0000 http://www.jonathanfields.com/blog/?p=1969#comment-16730 [...] keep their families secure, their mortgages safe and their jobs certain. But is living as a virtual stranger to your kids the best way of providing for them? Are you throwing the baby out with the bath [...] [...] keep their families secure, their mortgages safe and their jobs certain. But is living as a virtual stranger to your kids the best way of providing for them? Are you throwing the baby out with the bath [...]

]]> By: Janelle Jacobs http://www.jonathanfields.com/blog/daddies-babies-strangers/#comment-14147 Janelle Jacobs Mon, 29 Mar 2010 18:36:58 +0000 http://www.jonathanfields.com/blog/?p=1969#comment-14147 you're right, sadly. a lot of people don't want to spend time with their kids and I have to wonder about the selfish reasons they had them in the first place. :-( glad to here a father thinks of his experience as "magical"! you’re right, sadly. a lot of people don’t want to spend time with their kids and I have to wonder about the selfish reasons they had them in the first place. :-(

glad to here a father thinks of his experience as “magical”!

]]> By: biren http://www.jonathanfields.com/blog/daddies-babies-strangers/#comment-13608 biren Fri, 05 Mar 2010 08:26:44 +0000 http://www.jonathanfields.com/blog/?p=1969#comment-13608 when my son was born, i was facing a (self-created) crisis in my busines, and i was progressively getting sucked into it in an attempt to get out of it. i had waited for my kid's arrival since most of my adult life, dreaming of my days of 'kid-ing' with her/him. but when he arrived, i was barely there for his welcome. thankfully, in a matter of a year and a half of his coming, i had nothing left to save - life took away everything from me. my business, my 'sanity', my vanity, my security, my concepts and world-views. all that was left was my family and friends. and an 'empty' me. i was ready to receive what truly mattered. but i did not know it. and i was taken there, dragged by life. one day i suddenly realised that my toddler son, cringed at my touch and would turn away when i slept next to him - even in his sleep. he knew a stranger when one came near him. it was soul searing. and, i feel, almost all dads would know what i mean. that was one lesson that stayed with me through my nervous breakdown. and even today it stays with me, sharply defined like a hot-iron-branded scar on my heart. it took me years to get back his trust and open his heart a little bit to let me in. he is 11 now, and i think he is enjoying our relationship as much as i am enjoying working my way towards becoming a 'broken-human-loving-dad'. when my son was born, i was facing a (self-created) crisis in my busines, and i was progressively getting sucked into it in an attempt to get out of it.
i had waited for my kid’s arrival since most of my adult life, dreaming of my days of ‘kid-ing’ with her/him.
but when he arrived, i was barely there for his welcome.

thankfully, in a matter of a year and a half of his coming, i had nothing left to save – life took away everything from me. my business, my ‘sanity’, my vanity, my security, my concepts and world-views. all that was left was my family and friends. and an ‘empty’ me.

i was ready to receive what truly mattered.
but i did not know it. and i was taken there, dragged by life.

one day i suddenly realised that my toddler son, cringed at my touch and would turn away when i slept next to him – even in his sleep.
he knew a stranger when one came near him.
it was soul searing. and, i feel, almost all dads would know what i mean.

that was one lesson that stayed with me through my nervous breakdown. and even today it stays with me, sharply defined like a hot-iron-branded scar on my heart.

it took me years to get back his trust and open his heart a little bit to let me in.

he is 11 now, and i think he is enjoying our relationship as much as i am enjoying working my way towards becoming a ‘broken-human-loving-dad’.

]]> By: Sophie http://www.jonathanfields.com/blog/daddies-babies-strangers/#comment-12960 Sophie Tue, 09 Feb 2010 04:16:16 +0000 http://www.jonathanfields.com/blog/?p=1969#comment-12960 Why wouldn't you want to spend time with your child? I think of it as a way to wind down and bond, but that's just me. Sophie Why wouldn’t you want to spend time with your child? I think of it as a way to wind down and bond, but that’s just me.

Sophie

]]> By: Tricia Peever http://www.jonathanfields.com/blog/daddies-babies-strangers/#comment-11587 Tricia Peever Tue, 12 Jan 2010 02:43:30 +0000 http://www.jonathanfields.com/blog/?p=1969#comment-11587 It sounds a bit "defeatist" to me. It sounds a bit “defeatist” to me.

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