Comments on: Daddies Don’t Let Your Babies Grow Up To Be Strangers http://www.jonathanfields.com/blog/daddies-babies-strangers/ Entrepreneurship, marketing, personal devlelopment Tue, 16 Mar 2010 03:03:27 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.2 hourly 1 By: biren http://www.jonathanfields.com/blog/daddies-babies-strangers/#comment-13608 biren Fri, 05 Mar 2010 08:26:44 +0000 http://www.jonathanfields.com/blog/?p=1969#comment-13608 when my son was born, i was facing a (self-created) crisis in my busines, and i was progressively getting sucked into it in an attempt to get out of it. i had waited for my kid's arrival since most of my adult life, dreaming of my days of 'kid-ing' with her/him. but when he arrived, i was barely there for his welcome. thankfully, in a matter of a year and a half of his coming, i had nothing left to save - life took away everything from me. my business, my 'sanity', my vanity, my security, my concepts and world-views. all that was left was my family and friends. and an 'empty' me. i was ready to receive what truly mattered. but i did not know it. and i was taken there, dragged by life. one day i suddenly realised that my toddler son, cringed at my touch and would turn away when i slept next to him - even in his sleep. he knew a stranger when one came near him. it was soul searing. and, i feel, almost all dads would know what i mean. that was one lesson that stayed with me through my nervous breakdown. and even today it stays with me, sharply defined like a hot-iron-branded scar on my heart. it took me years to get back his trust and open his heart a little bit to let me in. he is 11 now, and i think he is enjoying our relationship as much as i am enjoying working my way towards becoming a 'broken-human-loving-dad'. when my son was born, i was facing a (self-created) crisis in my busines, and i was progressively getting sucked into it in an attempt to get out of it.
i had waited for my kid’s arrival since most of my adult life, dreaming of my days of ‘kid-ing’ with her/him.
but when he arrived, i was barely there for his welcome.

thankfully, in a matter of a year and a half of his coming, i had nothing left to save – life took away everything from me. my business, my ’sanity’, my vanity, my security, my concepts and world-views. all that was left was my family and friends. and an ‘empty’ me.

i was ready to receive what truly mattered.
but i did not know it. and i was taken there, dragged by life.

one day i suddenly realised that my toddler son, cringed at my touch and would turn away when i slept next to him – even in his sleep.
he knew a stranger when one came near him.
it was soul searing. and, i feel, almost all dads would know what i mean.

that was one lesson that stayed with me through my nervous breakdown. and even today it stays with me, sharply defined like a hot-iron-branded scar on my heart.

it took me years to get back his trust and open his heart a little bit to let me in.

he is 11 now, and i think he is enjoying our relationship as much as i am enjoying working my way towards becoming a ‘broken-human-loving-dad’.

]]> By: Sophie http://www.jonathanfields.com/blog/daddies-babies-strangers/#comment-12960 Sophie Tue, 09 Feb 2010 04:16:16 +0000 http://www.jonathanfields.com/blog/?p=1969#comment-12960 Why wouldn't you want to spend time with your child? I think of it as a way to wind down and bond, but that's just me. Sophie Why wouldn’t you want to spend time with your child? I think of it as a way to wind down and bond, but that’s just me.

Sophie

]]> By: Tricia Peever http://www.jonathanfields.com/blog/daddies-babies-strangers/#comment-11587 Tricia Peever Tue, 12 Jan 2010 02:43:30 +0000 http://www.jonathanfields.com/blog/?p=1969#comment-11587 It sounds a bit "defeatist" to me. It sounds a bit “defeatist” to me.

]]> By: Tricia Peever http://www.jonathanfields.com/blog/daddies-babies-strangers/#comment-11586 Tricia Peever Tue, 12 Jan 2010 02:39:30 +0000 http://www.jonathanfields.com/blog/?p=1969#comment-11586 No character? No character?

]]> By: Tricia Peever http://www.jonathanfields.com/blog/daddies-babies-strangers/#comment-11585 Tricia Peever Tue, 12 Jan 2010 02:34:20 +0000 http://www.jonathanfields.com/blog/?p=1969#comment-11585 I can sooo relate to this post. My husband works all of the time. I am becoming more and more aware of the currency of time. As I see him growing more and more tired, me more and more thinned out, the kids totally feeling the imbalance, we are beginning to realize the importance of being more aware of how we spend our time, what we give our time to. We are trying to make decisions that actually help us as a family(ie. more important to spend good time than to have the newest gadgets or the bigger home). My husband is also starting to take more accountabilty for the vicious cycle that you mention in this article. It was great to read this well-articulated statement that I wholeheartedly, 100% agree with. It is so easy for our goals that pertain to our families to become misaligned. This article is great if you need re"alignment". Thank you! I can sooo relate to this post. My husband works all of the time. I am becoming more and more aware of the currency of time. As I see him growing more and more tired, me more and more thinned out, the kids totally feeling the imbalance, we are beginning to realize the importance of being more aware of how we spend our time, what we give our time to. We are trying to make decisions that actually help us as a family(ie. more important to spend good time than to have the newest gadgets or the bigger home). My husband is also starting to take more accountabilty for the vicious cycle that you mention in this article. It was great to read this well-articulated statement that I wholeheartedly, 100% agree with. It is so easy for our goals that pertain to our families to become misaligned. This article is great if you need re”alignment”. Thank you!

]]> By: Craig http://www.jonathanfields.com/blog/daddies-babies-strangers/#comment-11571 Craig Mon, 11 Jan 2010 23:21:16 +0000 http://www.jonathanfields.com/blog/?p=1969#comment-11571 This is a great post. I am a young dad of 1 with a 2nd on the way I sometimes feel the way that you describe. Though it's different for me as I work from home I spend a lot of time with my Daughter. I do think If I worked a typical 9-5 the last thing I would want to do when I get back from work is entertain my daugher. It's really sad to feel that way but I guess parenthood isn't a walk in the park. This is a great post. I am a young dad of 1 with a 2nd on the way I sometimes feel the way that you describe. Though it’s different for me as I work from home I spend a lot of time with my Daughter. I do think If I worked a typical 9-5 the last thing I would want to do when I get back from work is entertain my daugher. It’s really sad to feel that way but I guess parenthood isn’t a walk in the park.

]]> By: Flora Morris Brown, Ph.D. http://www.jonathanfields.com/blog/daddies-babies-strangers/#comment-11566 Flora Morris Brown, Ph.D. Mon, 11 Jan 2010 21:41:04 +0000 http://www.jonathanfields.com/blog/?p=1969#comment-11566 Jonathan, You struck on a powerful topic again. As I reading your post I thought about the many families where mom and dad are both Peter's. And then they wonder while their kids do wilder and wilder things to get their attention. You're absolutely right that the first step is awareness. Without that parents don't even realize there is a problem. I was blessed that my mom had a homebased business and my dad, since he was older than my mom, was retired by the time I was born. We interacted with our parents before and after school as well as on weekends--my dad took us to the movies EVERY Saturday of our childhood and my mom took us to church EVERY Sunday. In addition, we learned the ins and outs of running a business. Based on that role model, my children were the centerpiece and everything else had to work around them. Although I had a teaching career, I made it flexible so that I was involved in all their music lessons, sports activities, church, scouts, etc. In addition, we decorated and celebrated all major holidays throughout the year. It's too bad that some families do have to break up before the importance of spending time with the children becomes a priority. That's why divorce is not always breaking up, but sometimes a bringing together. Jonathan,

You struck on a powerful topic again.

As I reading your post I thought about the many families where mom and dad are both Peter’s. And then they wonder while their kids do wilder and wilder things to get their attention.

You’re absolutely right that the first step is awareness. Without that parents don’t even realize there is a problem.

I was blessed that my mom had a homebased business and my dad, since he was older than my mom, was retired by the time I was born. We interacted with our parents before and after school as well as on weekends–my dad took us to the movies EVERY Saturday of our childhood and my mom took us to church EVERY Sunday. In addition, we learned the ins and outs of running a business.

Based on that role model, my children were the centerpiece and everything else had to work around them. Although I had a teaching career, I made it flexible so that I was involved in all their music lessons, sports activities, church, scouts, etc. In addition, we decorated and celebrated all major holidays throughout the year.

It’s too bad that some families do have to break up before the importance of spending time with the children becomes a priority. That’s why divorce is not always breaking up, but sometimes a bringing together.

]]> By: Caelan Huntress http://www.jonathanfields.com/blog/daddies-babies-strangers/#comment-11535 Caelan Huntress Sun, 10 Jan 2010 22:26:01 +0000 http://www.jonathanfields.com/blog/?p=1969#comment-11535 I just came out of a period like this one, and as I am finishing a vacation of rest and family (after three months of long hours and no time to be a dad), you have articulated the struggle that I just recently freed myself from. Thank you, Jonathan, for helping me see it clearly. I just came out of a period like this one, and as I am finishing a vacation of rest and family (after three months of long hours and no time to be a dad), you have articulated the struggle that I just recently freed myself from. Thank you, Jonathan, for helping me see it clearly.

]]> By: Jonathan Fields http://www.jonathanfields.com/blog/daddies-babies-strangers/#comment-11527 Jonathan Fields Sun, 10 Jan 2010 12:19:18 +0000 http://www.jonathanfields.com/blog/?p=1969#comment-11527 Crystal - I've heard so many similar stories. I sometimes wonder if one of the more constructive ways to deal with it is to try to learn and understand what he's gone through that's made him this way. Not that it'll change who he is or what the behavior is, but it may change how you process the way he's come to interact with the family. Dunno, but thanks for sharing that story Crystal – I’ve heard so many similar stories. I sometimes wonder if one of the more constructive ways to deal with it is to try to learn and understand what he’s gone through that’s made him this way. Not that it’ll change who he is or what the behavior is, but it may change how you process the way he’s come to interact with the family. Dunno, but thanks for sharing that story

]]> By: Crystal Jay http://www.jonathanfields.com/blog/daddies-babies-strangers/#comment-11494 Crystal Jay Fri, 08 Jan 2010 10:45:31 +0000 http://www.jonathanfields.com/blog/?p=1969#comment-11494 As far back as I can remember my father has always kept away from home. The last couple of years I have noticed a strange behaviour within myself. At the age of 24 I still live at home with my parents & my father is always away, even after all these years. To make sure I am out of sight for when he returns, I have taken it upon myself to memorise his schedule, so that I know when he is likely to arrive; there are times however, that he arrives home unexpected or early, and I find that when my father walks through the front door I feel an instant rush of resentment. I say to myself, why is he back? . Its not that I don't love my father...I just don't like him very much. I feel very much that this has stemed from my childhood, & unfortunately this cycle continues with my younger siblings who need him just like I needed him then. Its just a shame he is unable to see this for himself. As far back as I can remember my father has always kept away from home. The last couple of years I have noticed a strange behaviour within myself. At the age of 24 I still live at home with my parents & my father is always away, even after all these years. To make sure I am out of sight for when he returns, I have taken it upon myself to memorise his schedule, so that I know when he is likely to arrive; there are times however, that he arrives home unexpected or early, and I find that when my father walks through the front door I feel an instant rush of resentment. I say to myself, why is he back? . Its not that I don’t love my father…I just don’t like him very much. I feel very much that this has stemed from my childhood, & unfortunately this cycle continues with my younger siblings who need him just like I needed him then. Its just a shame he is unable to see this for himself.

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